Dummest User & Internet Ads

This is a serious post. Consider it as a warning to all users on the web.

Lately, my dummest users have discovered (for them) new ads on the www. These ads tell the user that the computer is "infected" and that they have to "click here to download the appropriate anti-virus".

A big warning to all out there - these ads are hoaxes of the worst kind!
At best you're getting swarmed with ads or spam. At worst you can infect
your system with a trojan horse that downloads all kinds of malicious software.

Certainly, I do not assume that there are all DU's out there, but the warning must be spread!

Regards,
Admin

E-Mail Problems - Vol.2

The following is a conversation held between the Admin and a self declared "Master of Computing":

 

DU: I can't open my e-mail.
Ad: What's the problem - no password?
DU: No, it doesn't even ask for a password.
<Admin looks over the shoulder of DU - and internally breaks into hysterical laughter - the screen of the DU shows an IE window with
http://www.xxxxx@yahoo.com as web address>
Ad: Eh. Try going to http://www.yahoo.com .
DU: And then?
Ad: Click on e-mail and use you username & password to login.
DU: Can't see e-mail.
Ad: Upper right of page.
DU: Ah, yes, now it's ok.
Ad: Thanks God.
<Another satisfied customer gg>

Cleaning up - Vol.1

<Phone rings>
Ad: Hello.
DU: Hello, my computer doesn't restart.
Ad: What does it say?
DU: No operating system.
Ad: WHAT? What did you do?
DU: Nothing. I just cleaned some files off my hard drive.
Ad <swallowing>: You did WHAT?
DU: I removed some unnecessary files.
Ad: Where they, by any chance in the C:\ folder?
DU: Yes.
Ad: Congratulations - you just killed your entire system.
DU: How can I get them back?
Ad: I will have to reinstall the machine.
DU: Can I have it back in an hour?
<Admin gave up at that point>

E-Mail Problems - Vol.1

<phone rings>
Ad: Hello?
DU: Can you tell me my e-mail password?
Ad: Which account?
DU: xxxx@yahoo.com <note: name removed to protect the ignorant>
Ad: Sorry, but that password cannot be retrieved.
DU: But how do I get to my mails?
Ad: Do you have a password reminder?
DU: A what?
Ad: Ok, forget it. You have to figure the password out.
DU: You are not very helpful.
Ad: If you say so.
<Admin hangs up - there is no way to beat this ignorance>

Your colleague was more helpful

The following happened during servicing one computer:

DU: My Yahoo is so extremely slow. Can't you do something about it?
Ad: Not really, it depends on the network traffic on the servers.
DU: But, can't you make it work faster.
<Admin gets slightly annoyed>
Ad: You could try placing a complaint at Yahoo's site.
DU: And how would I do that.
Ad: Try writing an e-mail.
DU: To which address?
Ad: Seriously. Do you think that this will have even the slightest effect?
DU: It's still worth a try.
Ad: I don't think that they will even read it.
DU: You know, last time, your colleague was here, he changed something and then Yahoo worked better.
Ad: Sorry, but I can't do that magic - you'll have to wait for my colleague.
<Admin was internally crying with laughter, because all the colleague did was changing the home page of IE>

This proves that sometimes magic works...

Phone Call - Vol. 1

<Phone rings>
Ad: Hello?
DU: Hello, my Internet is not working here - is yours ok?
Ad: Weeeeell, since it's all one network, if one end is down so is the other.
DU: Does that mean that yours is also not working?
Ad: Precisely.
DU: When will it come back?
Ad: Can't tell. Depends on the line coming back.
DU: But the phone is working - we're talking.
Ad: I mean the external line.
DU: Ah. And when will it be back?
Ad: I don't know. It's outside my scope. Bye.
<At which point the Admin cancels the call - any further conversation would be meaningless>

My Computer doesn't start

Another incident with a similar twist:

DU: My computer doesn't start.
Ad: OK. Do you see anything on the screen?
DU: Moment, yes, it says something is missing.
Ad: What precisely is missing?
DU: NTLDR something.
Ad: OK, that should be an easy one...
Ad: Take the floppy out of the drive.
DU: There is no floppy in the drive.
Ad: Are you sure - please double check.
DU: I AM sure - come over.
Ad: Coming
<Admin walks over.>
Ad: OK, let's see.
<Admin pushes the floopy eject button wich promptly spits out a disk.>
Ad: Ah - Ok - so you double checked - eh?
DU: I WAS sure.
Ad: I told you to double check.
DU: But...


So much about double checking...

My Computer is not working

My favourite definition of the problem.
In this particular case, the DU (Dummest User) had told me a few days before this call that he knew how to program computers...

Here's the story:
DU: My computer is not working.
Ad: Could you be a bit more specific?
DU: It's showing nothing on the screen.
Ad: Aha - that sounds bad - coming over...
<Admin walks over>
Ad: So, show me what you did.
DU: I switched the computer on...
<At which point Admin internally breaks into hysterical laughter>
Ad: Try pushing the other switch, the one on the PC - not on the screen!
DU: Didn't know that...

Yeah - great programmer - only needs an Admin to switch on...

OK, so this is it...

The new blog begins. These are the few most difficult lines for me to write on this page. Everything after that is just easy going.
The main reason for me to write this blog is a kind of therapy - or frustration management.
This site will be all abut my experiences in the worst possible environment for computers - the desert - combined with some of the ultimately finest, dummest users on the planet - people who barely know how to write their own names placed in front of modern hi-tech. To add to my joy, most of these dummest users have a serious attitude problem as well.
This and the remote location far from any reasonable civilization make my job here a real challenge. I can take weeks to month before I can lay my hands on some spares badly needed - explain this to the dummest users...

So, anybody who feels portrayed on this page be assured that he is not targetted by me - I know where I am and believe me - you are NOT here...

The Admin